Cooking the Turkey

Before you can cook the turkey, you must take out the stuff that's left inside (Jeanne from Levittown once did not do this - and almost got divorced after only 3 months of marriage) - I know none of you like to do this - but you have to - check both ends of the turkey - then wash in the sink - both inside and out.

Take the neck and giblets (do not use the liver - it will make the broth taste too strongly - see Note#1) - and place them in a small pot with some celery stalks, and onion chopped in large bits and some thyme salt and pepper. Simmer on low heat while the turkey cooks - if the water boils away - add a bit more. This broth will be used for the gravy - and it perfumes the air with the smell of Thanksgiving - making sure everyone develops a good appetite.

After stuffing the turkey (see Stuffing the Turkey), place the turkey in a roasting pan. Place slices of bacon across the breast and over the legs - this serves two purposes - it keeps the meat from drying out & it gives all the kibitzers and noshers something to pick at before dinner - otherwise they'll pull out pieces of stuffing or tear off pieces of skin to see if it tastes ok ...

Preheat the oven to 425F. Roast for about 30-40 minutes, then turn down to somewhere between 325F and 350F. Roast for about 4 hours, basting it about every 30 minutes.

When the turkey is done - take it out of the oven and let it rest for about 30 minutes - making sure it is on something that will catch any juices.

Carving - if you want to know how to carve it - you'll have to watch someone do it - I can't give a good description that would help in any way - except to point out that several generations of males in this family have royally messed it up and blamed it on bad knives, bad turkeys, bad cooks and bad weather - bad carving does not make good turkey taste worse and good carving doesn't make a bad turkey taste good.


Hmmm ... I forgot something - After Thanksgiving is over, there is a way to get even for having to do all the cooking - Make Turkey Soup! A large turkey will make enough soup to last until Christmas ...

Note#1: If you don't know which is the liver - get out one of your old anatomy books & figure it out - you should know this by now - don't call me!!

Buying the Turkey

Firstly, buy a turkey that has no stuff added to it - no self-basting - all they are adding is broth and fat - and it makes it impossible to make a decent gravy - they are just not worth it - if you are going to go through all the hassle of cooking a turkey dinner - the turkey ought to be the best you can get!

Buy a fresh turkey - there are two reasons for this - one is that they taste better - the second (as Chris knows only too well) is that you don't have to defrost it. If you do get a frozen one, defrost it in the refrigerator for at least 48 hours before you need to cook it - check the night before and if you think it is still too frozen - leave it out for a few hours.

Buy at least a 20 pound bird - it is stupid to go through all this trouble for a 10 pounder - and you certainly won't want to cook again for at least a week - so it might as well be a big one!

Thanksgiving Menu

It is time to start thinking about Thanksgiving - it doesn't really take much thinking as it is always the same - no one likes to be adventurous on holidays - the whole family is very big on tradition. This makes it much easier on the cook - So here is the menu as it appeared in the first edition of this cookbook:

Turkey Stuff

**WARNING!!**

Cooking Thanksgiving dinner for this family can be a real pain - do not - attempt it unless you are dedicated & are prepared to follow through on an extremely rigid menu - everything has to be done exactly the same as the year before - or the family curse will follow you forever (see Note #1).

The Menu

Shrimp Cocktail*

Olives and Celery

Roast Turkey

Gravy

Bread Stuffing

Potato Stuffing

String Beans

Sweet Potato Rolls

Mashed Potatoes

Broccoli with Cheese Sauce

Creamed Onions*

Cauliflower*

Mashed Rutabagas*

Jellied Cranberry Sauce

Pumpkin Pie

French Silk Pie

Apple Pie

Custard Pie*

Tawny Port (see Note #2)

*These are optional - to be served ony in case of large numbers of out-of-town relatives.

Note #1: No one knows exactly what this involves - because no one has ever taken the chance to find out!

Note #2: This is not to be served with the dinner - it is primarily for the cook - with a small amout to be added to the gravy. This is a tradition that dates back to your Great-great grandmother - it is not an optional part of the dinner!